I consider it a Great American Pastime to leisurely scroll through the delightful nuggets of wisdom that are Chick Tracts. With titles like A Demon’s Nightmare, Holy Joe, Back From The Dead?, and Camel’s In The Tent, it’s hard to find a more startlingly brilliant collection of superstition, misinformation, racial prejudice, illogicality, misanthropy, and outright fiction….unless, of course, you go digging through Kent Hovind’s stuff.
So yes, I’ll confess it: I love reading Chick Tracts. It’s incredibly entertaining to see just how ridiculous fundamentalism can get. Granted, Chick largely represents Independent Fundamental Baptists, which are a fringe group at best (though admittedly more common than snake handlers). “And such were some of you….”
One of the more famous titles is Big Daddy, a thrilling exposé on the problems with biology, geology, chemistry, cosmology, and the scientific method in general. “A professor thought we came from monkeys, until a student proved evolution was a lie. Humorous, yet powerful! Students love it.”
It features a stereotypically clean-cut white Christian male student (complete with pressed white shirt)….
Clearly a formerly homeschooled middle class Republican. Just look at how perfectly parted his hair is!
….who convinces his hideously ugly biology professor…
Arguably the best evidence for common descent is this fellow’s similarity to the ape behind him.
….that evolution is “full of holes”, then leads his mixed-race class….
In which we learn that other races are more gullible….and that SECULAR people commonly celebrate belief in evolution by chanting with both hands raised.
….to repentance and KJV faith (which somehow transforms them into a mostly Caucasian group):
Seriously. The girl with glasses used to have dark hair. It’s a miracle!
Yes, I changed the speech bubbles….most of them, at least. Guilty as charged.
The majority of this cartoon simply parrots the typical strawmen arguments and unfounded claims in most 90s-era home school science textbooks. Hoaxed missing links, non-vestigial organs, Haeckel’s embryos, and polystrate fossils are all centrally featured; this stuff is straight out of Hovind. In fact, several pages actually cite Hovind directly. I wonder if this will be updated to direct readers to the Federal Correctional Institution in New Hampshire now that Dr. Dino has taken up extended residence there?
If anything, this “tract” is a good primer on what to expect from home schooled students who haven’t been exposed to anything but a caricature of evolution. And at first, I thought that was all it was.
Then I got to the end, where I was abruptly shocked beyond all belief.
What. The. Heck.
Denying common descent is one thing. But saying the nuclear strong force is a “made-up dream” to “explain away truth”? Let’s lay aside the fact that this has absolutely nothing to do with evolution. I’ve got one question: What does Jack Chick think nuclear bombs are?
Apparently, all the atomic nuclei in the universe are held together by Jesus. All the time. Except, you know, plutonium and uranium, because they’re heavy, and Jesus’s hands get tired, and he sometimes lets them fall apart, and that’s why we have radioactive decay. And the more we push into one place, the heavier it gets, and that’s why a bunch of them can fall apart at the same time and make nuclear bombs.
Like I said, it’s one thing to question common descent. I get it. It all happened A Long Time Ago and it Kind Of Sounds Funny and the PhD scientists at Answers in Genesis seem to make some Good Arguments. Ultimately, we can’t ever go back and see common descent for ourselves, so it’s easy to argue that there will always be room to question.
But asserting that the nuclear strong force doesn’t exist? That’s an open, unambiguous God-of-the-Gaps argument, on a level with thunder coming from Thor’s Hammer. “We don’t know what holds atoms together, and we never ever will, therefore it must be God.”
You know what? Fine. We had Intelligent Design and Intelligent Falling; why not have Intelligent Nuking? Teach the controversy. That’s what I always say.
“Kids, some scientists believe that atoms are held together by the exchange of gauge bosons as described by the Standard Model and confirmed by particle accelerators like the Large Hadron Collider. But other scientists believe that an Intelligent Force—maybe God, maybe something else—keeps nuclei from flying apart. Radioactivity and nuclear explosions happen because of quantum tunneling….or because the Intelligent Force gets tired of holding together certain atoms.”
“Thanks, Jesus! We couldn’t have done it without you!”
Wait, that’s the Chinese thermonuclear test? Dammit, why is Jesus helping them? Aren’t they all communists?